My Different Kind of Birthday Party this year was not the first time I’d dedicated myself to non-traditional, counter-cultural ways of celebrating.  God has challenged me over the years to lay things down and move on from old ways of doing things.  And one of those things is the way I celebrate.

The way-of-the-world is to pull out the fancy flutes and pop some champagne when it’s time to celebrate!

Or maybe it’s to go out for drinks, a nice dinner, or a night on the town.  But God’s way of celebrating is better. I would know because He told me, but I didn’t listen.

Over the years, God had told me very clearly – time and time again – that He didn’t want a drop of alcohol to be a part of my life.  I didn’t know why exactly, since I didn’t have a drinking problem, but I did know that for me even a drop was wrong– because I could sense it in my spirit every single time.

I wish I could say God asked me to stop drinking and I said yes.  But that wasn’t the case.  Unfortunately, God tried to save me from bad decisions, a confusing pattern, and myself years ago. But I justified that it wasn’t an issue because I only had 2-3 drinks occasionally, and never got drunk like the Bible said. But as anyone who’s had an idol knows, even the thing you’re after isn’t as much of a problem as the serious heart-issue it produces. God wants all of our heart, and for us to be free from a feeling of needing anything aside from Him. Any inch of us that’s holding onto something else, is an inch that He can’t enter into. It’s hard to receive from God when our hands are already full clenching something else.

So I ran for a while.  Well, years.  And I kept telling God it wasn’t a problem in my life and that I didn’t really need it, etc. etc.  I had more excuses than drinks!  There were times I’d go on a “no-alcohol” kick and not have a drink for 3-6 months, but then somehow it would surface again, and I’d feel trapped.  I felt trapped when not drinking because it felt so legalistic and binding without relaxing or enjoyment of life, and I felt trapped when drinking because I had guilt, bondage, and a fear deep-down that I couldn’t live without it.  A fear that even though it wasn’t a real issue, I’d never be free from it.

Being afraid you can’t break free from something makes it a real issue.

So there I was, refusing to be ‘all in’ with God, so I could still enjoy some luxuries in life as a Christian.  I was very involved at church but not 100% sold-out, because I couldn’t shake this issue: my unwillingness to let go of this “normal” “fun” “treat”.  And worse than that, I would soon come to find out that this issue was actually a spiritual hold, keeping me from God’s powerful will for my life. I bet the enemy was probably delighted by keeping me distracted, tormented, and with divided loyalty – for years.

Turns out it wasn’t just me holding on to it; it was holding onto me too.

The day that I let it go was when I realized how spiritual the bondage was.  After I prayed in tears to God and gave Him control, I asked Him to take it away and opened my hands physically as an act of surrender.  But much to my surprise, that’s when I felt like I entered the real hurricane.  I was reminded of a quote, “You don’t know how hard the wind is blowing until you turn and walk against it.”  Once I put my stake in the ground and decided once and for all that “enough is enough” the spiritual battle that had been raging around me for years finally came to the forefront.  There was angst, confusion, back-and-forth emotions, and honestly the thought crossed my mind several times that this might kill me.  As crazy as it sounds, I really was experiencing two forces with opposing motives trying to claim me.  I know, and you know, who those two forces were.

But thankfully, God wins – every time.

After the “battle,” I laid down and fell asleep, completely exhausted.  I woke up the next morning and felt a hundred pounds lighter. Whatever had its hold on me was gone, and I felt younger, freer, and alive.  My allegiance was no longer torn, and God was back on the throne of my heart where He belonged.  I rejoiced!  I celebrated.

Now celebrating looks different in my life.  It’s clean fun, in freedom, and lasting.  When it’s time to celebrate someone else or when it’s time to celebrate myself, I can be fully-present, sacrificial, and satisfied – without expectation or need of anything specific. My hands are no longer full.

Would I typically want to share such a private story on a public blog?  Um, no.  But I feel like I’m supposed to share this in case there is someone out there, living a Christian life somewhere, but hanging onto something that’s separating you from being completely all-in for God. Whatever it may be, today may be the day to let it go.  Trust me, holding on is not worth it!  Someday we will stand before God and will hate anything in our lives that wasn’t of Him, including all the things we thought we deserved or tried to hang onto.  Even if it doesn’t make sense to you, if you think God is asking you to let go of something in your life, He probably is.

When we release it, He will fight the battle for us on our behalf, and He will win.

The only luxury we have the privilege to claim in this life is God Himself.  Only in Him can we experience a true and Different Kind of Celebrating –A Different Kind of Life.